Dear Ignorant Coffee Houses, Bars, and Aspiring Music Venues,

I would like to thank you all for your incredibly generous attitude towards performing musicians. I can't tell you how awesome it is to be offered an opportunity to play for your customers for no pay! Whats that you say? It will be great exposure? Wow even better, what a deal I am getting! Hey have you heard of this thing called the internet? It's pretty good for exposure too, I have been using that. But now that I know I can bust my ass for free so that you can provide entertainment for your customers, I am throwing this whole internet thing out the window! In fact, I will do you one better. Why don't you give me all the free coffee and beer I want and I will tell all of my friends about you! Hey won't that be great exposure?! What? You don't want to do that? Oh. Then stop expecting to get quality live music without paying for it! We don't need your "exposure." If you want to give a teenage kid some live experience fine. But have a little respect for the work that it requires to provide you good live music. We are not in this for the money, trust me. But we are not in it to be taken advantage of either. Stop acting like a charity case.